Robbie Williams Eats Domestic Pets Shocker

Robbie Williams. Renowned for his wide-eyed performances, his love of all things extra-terrestrial, and his relationship with Ayda Field. Ayda field once, sold it to a farmer. One thing Robbie is apparently NOT renowned for is his public devouring of domestic animals, in pubs of course. Which is a shame. It is, in fact, one of the thousands of mis-truths that has emerged by the ultimate public-updated information website...

WIKIPEDIA.

I ruddy LOVE Wikipedia, I honestly don't know how I would cope without it. Ever since Fresher's week at Sussex University, when every tutor urged pupil's to not use Wikipedia under any circumstances, I did exactly that, and many an essay was wholeheartedly plagiarised from the website. By plagiarised, I mean "researched extensively" of course. Apparently, at any one point over 100,000 articles on the website contain false information, which means a 1 in 70 chance of you coming across one. Good odds in my book.

Some of the best include Margaret Thatcher being listed as a fictional character for 6 weeks (unfortunately not), Timmy Mallet as a former jet ski champion, and Alan Titchmarsh receiving the "Bad Sex Award". If he didn't win it he deserves it, what a waste of make-up that night was...

It was a combination of his bored expression and the authentic Rolex that first drew my eye to Alan...

Also today, we caught up with Paul Diello, after two staff members at Juice were invited to his 30th Birthday Party with a WEDDING theme. I asked Paul, quite simply, WHY?! Turns out Paul is already married after an intimate ceremony in New York, and now he just wants the big party to go with it. Naturally, there will be a buffet (a meaty one hopefully), frocks galore and a wedding photographer. I did probe Paul (not like that) about what his outfit would be, and he teased us with mysterious clues that it was being imported from Shanghai and is silver. We've scoured the Shanghai websites of note, and have narrowed it down to this one...

"It's ALL about the confidence"

I'm off to Londonium now for some important and exciting Shakedown Festival meetings. Determined to formally confirm Chaz & Dave..
 
Jonesy x

Oh and producer Jonno has just reminded me why celebs shouldn't play with hamsters live on TV. You might come up trumps when landscaping a tonne of shingle Titchmarsh, but multitasking a chat show and playing with cheap novelty toys just isn't your forte!

The Darkest of Party Themes

Happy Tuesday!

You're not fooling anyone mate

Tuesdays on Juice have a bit of a film-slant (not too much, don't worry, there's music and inane banter as ever). With that in mind, this morning on the Breakfast Show with Guy & Andrea, I gave my verdict on The Darkest Hour (12A) in 3D. A film that tells the story of some stupid young people during an alien invasion. But this isn't just ANY alien invasion - oh no. The people behind this film (that's YOU Chris Gorak) obviously had a brief flash of genius: "I know, what if the invasion wasn't in America but in MOSCOW and what if said aliens were - wait for it - .... INVISIBLE". Sometime after this, Gorak was lobotomised, at least I hope he was to avoid such APPALLING films ever being made again.

I don't really know where to start in explaining why I gave this laughably bad movie 2 out of 10 in my review. I've seen some pretty dreadful horror movies, but normally they are somehow entertaining in a did-they-REALLY-make-that way. But this one takes the biscuit, and never before have I willed the main characters to die painful elaborate deaths so desperately - and this comes in the same week that I watched Final Destination 5 (7/10 if you're wondering). Half of them did, hence the 2 points I gave it. In fact, one of those points is for a cute cat who's abusive owner has wrapped it in chains. You can hear the full venom of my verdict in the review below:

The Darkest Hour Film Review by Jonesy on Mixcloud

James Tully from the Odeon cinema also came in for the Film Forum sporting a new haircut. We talked Golden Globe winners, Rickey Gervais' lackluster jokes, and this week's new releases including Haywire and Coriolanus. And Madonna's new movie, but I wouldn't bother myself.

James Tully Hair Watch - after an outbreak of nits

Also on the show today we discussed strange party themes when two staff members at Juice (Producer Jonno and Guy Lloyd) received invitations to a wedding-themed party. Yes, that's right - a WEDDING theme. The strangest party I've been to was Sarah Powell (ex-Drivetime presenter and dear friend) whose Birthday, this one year, fell on Friday 13th, so she hosted a bad taste / unlucky themed party. Costumes included Jesus, Hitler and Jade Goody. Appalling.

Listener's best themes included the UK Coach awards (rival to the Bus awards), a farmer's party and a "computer component party" where Justine dressed up as a mouse (clever girl). I would've super-glued a keyboard to my head - I'm imaginative like that.

More tomfoolery tomorrow!
Jonesy x

Adele whips the crowd up into a frenzy

Hello you!

And welcome to another week of blog fun.

So this weekend, I had my much-anticipated birthday celebrations, which I'd stupidly themed "hats & glasses". To be fair, people made quite an effort, with the good ol' animal winter hat proving incredibly popular. I, on the other hand, cobbled together the most bizarre outfit in my long history of fancy dress. Imagine if Lancelot and Lady Gaga had a weird love-child. And here he is:

What was I thinking???

The chain mail head piece (authentic) proved a particular focus, as people took it in turns stabbing me in the head to see if it REALLY worked. I did explain that if it didn't work, I doubt they'd have used it for hundreds of years. I think people just enjoy attacking me. Despite this, I was far from best-dressed of the night. That award goes to my faithful pooch, Alfie, who pulled off his hat with some style:

What a pimp

So, onto the show!...

Pussycat Dolls? Cat Stevens?

Today we discovered that Adele songs were the most popular karaoke choices of 2011. Don't get me wrong, I love her, but I don't really want to hear someone warble their way, badly, through "Someone Like You" when I'm trying to have fun. It's a complete buzz kill when I've just whipped the crowd into a frenzy with my latest 11-minute Meat Loaf rendition. The first 2 minutes go down quite well, after that people tend to switch off. Here at Juice Towers, attempts at singing ballads do NOT go down well, and people tend to get booed till they put the mic down, or cry, or in my case both.

Loz popped in for Sporting Briefs, which frankly are never brief enough (love you Loz). The highlight today was one darts player's excuse for losing a semi-final... turning the air-conditioning on halfway through a match. He forgot to pack his jumper. Truth be told, the Juice air-con in the studio is temperamental at best - it can transport you from Antarctica to the Sahara desert and back again within a few seconds but rarely that perfect middle ground (Barcelona?).

Record of the week is an artist called Youngman and his song "Who Knows?" I feel like they've booked themselves into a corner with that name - after turning 40, "Oldman" just doesn't sound as cool no? I guess Paul Young is still doing alright. Isn't he!?

See you tomorrow for the Film Forum with James Tully.

Jonesy x