The Darkest of Party Themes

Happy Tuesday!

You're not fooling anyone mate

Tuesdays on Juice have a bit of a film-slant (not too much, don't worry, there's music and inane banter as ever). With that in mind, this morning on the Breakfast Show with Guy & Andrea, I gave my verdict on The Darkest Hour (12A) in 3D. A film that tells the story of some stupid young people during an alien invasion. But this isn't just ANY alien invasion - oh no. The people behind this film (that's YOU Chris Gorak) obviously had a brief flash of genius: "I know, what if the invasion wasn't in America but in MOSCOW and what if said aliens were - wait for it - .... INVISIBLE". Sometime after this, Gorak was lobotomised, at least I hope he was to avoid such APPALLING films ever being made again.

I don't really know where to start in explaining why I gave this laughably bad movie 2 out of 10 in my review. I've seen some pretty dreadful horror movies, but normally they are somehow entertaining in a did-they-REALLY-make-that way. But this one takes the biscuit, and never before have I willed the main characters to die painful elaborate deaths so desperately - and this comes in the same week that I watched Final Destination 5 (7/10 if you're wondering). Half of them did, hence the 2 points I gave it. In fact, one of those points is for a cute cat who's abusive owner has wrapped it in chains. You can hear the full venom of my verdict in the review below:

The Darkest Hour Film Review by Jonesy on Mixcloud

James Tully from the Odeon cinema also came in for the Film Forum sporting a new haircut. We talked Golden Globe winners, Rickey Gervais' lackluster jokes, and this week's new releases including Haywire and Coriolanus. And Madonna's new movie, but I wouldn't bother myself.

James Tully Hair Watch - after an outbreak of nits

Also on the show today we discussed strange party themes when two staff members at Juice (Producer Jonno and Guy Lloyd) received invitations to a wedding-themed party. Yes, that's right - a WEDDING theme. The strangest party I've been to was Sarah Powell (ex-Drivetime presenter and dear friend) whose Birthday, this one year, fell on Friday 13th, so she hosted a bad taste / unlucky themed party. Costumes included Jesus, Hitler and Jade Goody. Appalling.

Listener's best themes included the UK Coach awards (rival to the Bus awards), a farmer's party and a "computer component party" where Justine dressed up as a mouse (clever girl). I would've super-glued a keyboard to my head - I'm imaginative like that.

More tomfoolery tomorrow!
Jonesy x

I camembert paying for cheese!

Oh Antony. Poor old Antony Worrall Thompson. Clearly traumatised after years of being known as "the short fat ginger TV chef who MUST be gay", it seems the torment got too much...

A cunning disguise Antony...

Hence this morning, we woke up to some brilliant cheese-related puns when Antony was caught steeling cheese from Tesco. Before he descends into cheese-based rehab, we asked the people of Brighton for their best cheesy puns to cheer him up. Pick of the bunch:

"Antony nicks cheese, you cheddar believe it"
"Well I'll brie damned"
"Wensleyjail sentence start"

We've forwarded them to Antony's camp and apparently he's "overwhelmed". Bless.


Also today we were joined by HRH of the film world, James Tully. We've had a few listeners asking what James looks like as apparently he sounds "well fit". With that in mind, here's a photo of mr. film himself:

If Seth Rogan did 'Movember'

Today, James enlightned us on film news including sequels to the new version of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and Bridesmaids which COULD go ahead without Kristen Wiig; which is the equivalent of The Alan Carr show hosted by Alan Sugar. Now THAT would be a good show... He also previewed the new releases at the Odeon this week: a film where you get to see Michael Fassbender Junior ('Shame'), a 3D film with invisable aliens who like electricity (The Darkest Hour) and a film about a horse who goes to war ('War Horse' - genius!)

Clearly, War Horse - the new Steven Spielberg movie - is the big 'un this week. James has already cried watching the trailer, and apparently if the horse is killed off at the end of the film, he's going to be so angry, he'll run to the nearest field and sacrifice a mule in its honour. Or something like that. Listen again to the Film Forum below:

The Film Forum 10/01/12 by Officialjonesy on Mixcloud

Other topics today included a pub in Newcastle that are introducing not only a dog menu, but a dog beer. Unfortunately, the beer is non-alcoholic. Shame - I quite liked the idea of squaring up against a drunk Rottweiler. Alas, producer Jonno assures me that'd be illegal. Nevermind.

And to keep you amused on a Tuesday, here's a classic video of the cheese-stealer himself. This time, he's stealing a glance at this lovely lady...



See you tomorrow for more tomfoolery!
Jonesy x